SYRACUSE, N.Y. (NCC News) – Erin Rush is making a special stop on her drive home for Christmas from New York City to Central New York later this month. Rush is starting her holiday celebrations by visiting her mother’s grave. Since her mother’s passing, Rush is one of many people for whom the holidays are a mix of celebration and mourning.
“I’ll go and I just like to sit and I talked to her. I say my prayers and I feel it really peaceful to just you know sit and just talk to her and kind of feel like I’m you know fully focused on updating her on my life and making sure I’m doing things that carry on her legacy and make her proud,” Rush said.
Mari Rush, Erin’s mother, passed away from uterine cancer on Oct. 3, 2020 at 54-years-old. Last Christmas, Rush and her family were still trying to process Mari’s death and weren’t fully in the Christmas spirit. This year, Rush says she’s approaching the holiday season with a mix of gratitude and longing.
“Last year was tough to see kids with their parents. But now I look and I smile because I remember all those memories with my mom. That doesn’t mean I don’t go home and have a good cry after I see them,” Rush said.
The holidays can be an especially difficult time for people like Rush because of the expectations of joy and happiness that come along with the holidays. Cassandra Fearing is a marriage and family therapist at Nurturing Connections and says holiday songs and movies often share messages of joy, which can be hard to hear when you’re missing someone.
Fearing knows firsthand what it’s like to lose loved ones near the holidays. Nine years ago, Fearing’s step-sister and her family passed away in a house fire around Thanksgiving. Fearing says her personal loss helps her be a better therapist and give coping advice to those who are grieving.
Fearing says some ways to cope with grief are:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Going out for a walk
- Calling up a friend
- Engaging in a hobby like a video game or an art activity
Coping mechanisms can be “something that can pull you from that moment that feels like you have no control,” Fearing said.
Rush has found that journaling helps her process her grief when it feels too strong. She began writing poetry in a notebook after her mother’s death and says that she’ll spend 15-minutes to hours on end writing.
“(I) write non-stop, whatever words come to my head. Until I feel like I can breathe again, and until it feels a little bit lighter,” Rush said.
Another way to process grief is to accept that your emotions and feelings are valid. Fearing and Rush both agree that the pain of grief can be a symbol of how much love you had for the person who passed away.
“How lucky am I to have somebody that I loved so much? I would feel this pain for the rest of my life and I’m lucky to have that because it meant that I had the greatest mom in the world,” Rush said.
Find a list of six additional grief coping skills here and for local Central New York organizations that help process grief like 13thirty, click here.
